In Which We Discuss:

1. Donald Trump doesn’t feel like having the election anymore so let’s just pack it in and head home

2. In a twist that only Angelenos should have anticipated, Scientology enters the Veepstakes battle!

3. There is no modern parallel to how terrible the economy is so Republicans are floating ways to make it worse

4. Herman Cain dies of COVID-19 only 11 days after patriotically attending Trump’s Tulsa rally

5. GOP is furious Mark Zuckerberg can’t explain Twitter’s user policies

6. "Demon Semen" is wreaking havoc all over America